Since I said I would...

One of K's main jobs is emptying all of the shred boxes in the office. She has a list of every single person with a shred box and divides that list into two; half the people get their shred boxes emptied on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the other half is only lucky enough to have theirs emptied Tuesday and Thursday. I know what you're thinking- how much paper can accumulate in those boxes in the day-long period they aren't being emptied? And the answer is- pretty much none. It's a task meant to keep K out of the runner room so we can actually relax and play on the internet. But I digress. Anywho, one day, long before I had started working, K was plodding around the office, doing her daily job of emptying the shred boxes. On this particular day, she was scheduled to empty one of the younger, more domineering female lawyer's boxes- lets just call her Schamanda Schmorgan. On this fine day, Miss Schmorgan had closed the door to her office and put up a post-it note informing the outside world that she was on a phone depo...aka DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET A NEW ONE TORN. Sadly, nothing can stop K from checking each and every task off her to-do list (which is secured in a quite grungy looking 3-ring binder) and each item can only be checked off if it's actually done. So, dear ol' K goes marching right into Schamanda's office, picks up her shred box, marches right out, brings it up to the runner room, empties it, and marches it right back down into Schamanda's office, plops it down, and carries on her merry way. Thank goodness Schamanda was filling generous that day and instead of muting her depo, grabbing K by the collar, and letting her know what was up, she merely informed K's boss- lets call her The Boss (clever, aren't I?)- who then pulled K into her office for a little chat. After said chat, K was so fired up/embarrassed/disgruntled that she marched BACK into Schamanda's office (thank goodness she wasn't still in there), picked up Miss Schmorgan's purse, which was right next to the shred box, marched out of the office with it, and proceeded to shove the purse and all of its contents into the giant, locked main shred box into which legal documents go to die. And when I say all of its contents, I mean all. Blackberry, car keys, makeup, designer sunglasses, and- here's the kicker- jumper cables. That right; poor Schamanda's car battery had died earlier that week and she had resorted to carrying around jumper cables in her purse ever since. It was these very same cables that saved her purse and contents from never being seen again. Luckily for Schamanda, unluckily for K, the clips on the ends of the cables were just too big to fit through the opening of the shred box. And nothing looks for suspicious then jumper cables hanging out of a shred box...

Once K's deed was discovered, the box unlocked, and the goods recovered, naturally the next step was to confront K. Enter The Boss. And what was K's excuse/defense/explanation? Good ol' conniving, sneaky, clever little K simply crossed her eyes, looked pityingly up from behind her glasses and declared "I just got confused." Yup, K. Those shred boxes with the hot pink signs with the words "Shred Box" certainly do look like a black, $500, full purse complete with jumper cables. O K, how I salute you and your devilish charms when it comes to getting out of trouble.